“Dear Glasgow Barbrawl,
I have been a close follower of your blog for these past few months. I have often looked to you as the pinnacle of today’s feminist viewpoint and so was justifiably shocked at your recent entry entitled: ‘I am a Superhero,’ how is this in any way representative of the forward thinking modern woman?? I notice your character was assigned superhuman strength whilst adhering to the masculine notion of the heroic, but when succumbing to mortality died ‘like a Victorian Heroine.’ I am disappointed that such a frontrunner in the feminist revolution could succumb so easily to such antiquated notions. Needless to say I am withdrawing your allowance – you will just have to find some moneyed male figure to keep you furnished in the style you have become accustomed to – a change I imagine that will suit you well, you snivelling little sell-out.
Yours disappointedly
Ms Jermaine Jeer.”
I am sorry that my article has upset you so, Ms Jeer. I am doubly upset that a woman of your reputation and intelligence should miss out on the all too obvious irony of the passage. However, I do admit that such subtle jests should perhaps be withheld until the gap in pay between genders has been rectified: so much has still to be done before we can poke fun at the differences between ourselves and our male counterparts!
In order to rectify the situation and regain my social standing amongst my fellow third-wave, post-irony, post-post-feminists I’d like to present an in-depth interview with myself where I ask and answer gruelling questions from me about my own feminist ideals.
Here we go, Barbrawl, would you call yourself a post-feminist?
Well –
-Let us put it this way: do you drink pints or shots?
Well… I will drink a pint, but of cider rather than beer because of the wheat, of course. Depending on the brand I will ask to add some blackcurrant – ironically, I guess -which makes it a glorious shade of pink/purple. I’m sorry, what do my drinking habits have to do with feminism?
I’m asking the questions round here.
OK, sorry. What’s next?
What did I JUST tell you??
Sorry.
Are we finished?
Mmm hmm.
Thank-you. So, who would you call your favourite female public figure/icon?
Well, I don’t think I have icons as such, but from a modern perspective I’m really counting on Suri Cruise to make a big difference in the world. I feel like she’s a spokesperson for the youth of today: she doesn’t resort to revealing outfits or wild nights out in order to grab headlines – she lets her talent speak for itself and I really respect that. I feel like she’ll perhaps go for more sensible roles whilst her peers, like Shiloh Pitt and the rest of the Bratz Pack, will burn out in the limelight as they prove themselves the flash in the pan celeb spawn we suspected them to be. Of course, Madonna will always be a big part in my life, like an ex-spouse or religion. Some days I might not remember she’s there, I become too caught up in my own life, cavorting around with my new lovers or worshiping some false Gods, but should I catch a glimpse of a purple leotard or some worryingly muscular arms it all comes flooding back to me.
I see. Earlier you mentioned the gap in pay between genders, how do you stand on issues such as these and others affecting women such as the pro-life/pro-choice debate?
Well, with regards to the gender pay-gap I’m not very bothered. I mean, if I’m getting paid zero, and my male counterparts are getting paid zero, then we’re on an even footing: what’s the gap between zero and zero? Exactly; that’s just physics. As for abortion, I’m all for the woman’s right to choose but, speaking as a more-often-than-not single woman I feel I have about as much right to comment on the matter as Anne Widecombe. This is an interview, right?
Yes.
I suppose you’ll be wanting the obligatory, question-related, witty personal anecdote then? Let’s see… Right, OK. The last time I was at my doctor’s she asked me what my method of contraception was: I replied with ‘my face,’ followed by a hearty laugh. She then looked at me with a stony expression and then asked again, but this time more seriously. I mirrored her grave expression: ‘seriously? Ok… my sense of humour, hahahahaha!’ after which she asked no further questions.
That’s funny.
Thanks. I’m glad I think so.
